Thursday, May 27, 2010

Just "Relax"

Normally I don't vent on my blogs I really feel the need to :(

Today we encountered more insensitive infertility remarks and misguided advice to "fix" it. It seems to always be my grandparents, either side. Not because they're trying to be mean. But I think they just simply don't understand; like so many others.

We were again told that maybe we're doing "it" wrong. Really? Is that even any of your business??

We were again told we just need to "relax". Wait till all those infertility Dr's find out they're gonna be out of a job once all of us infertile folk learn  how to "relax". I wonder what other diseases or disorders relaxing can cure? 

I really don't mean to be rude, but how hurtful are comments like those? I'm pretty sure that after 5 years it could be assumed we did our due diligence in trying to get pregnant naturally. More importantly we followed the impressions of the Holy Spirit and let the Lord direct us in how we should start our family.

There will always be people who don't understand. And it's not their fault. And I'm not mad at them, just upset at their ignorance. I feel it totally undermines everything Gavin and I have went through so far to become parents. Too bad I didn't know before the painful HSG test that all I needed to do was "relax". You wouldn't tell a cancer patient to relax in order to be healed. Why do people assume infertility isn't a real disease/disorder?

Whenever I get comments like these I'm hurt and a little upset. But I know the next day I'll wake up and be totally fine. Despite the pain of infertility, I wouldn't trade our experiences for anything. I love the people we've become from going through this. I love the things I've learned. I can't help but feel grateful for a loving Heavenly Father for sticking it out with us through all this. I have a neat dream I had that I'll share that for me, put this "trial" (or blessing) into perspective for me. Maybe it'll help you too.

I dreamt that Gavin and I were in a hospital waiting room. There were many couples there and one delivery room. There were nurses rushing in and out of the delivery room giving couples babies. Gavin and I were excited to be there and patiently were waiting our turn. After a while we started getting antsy and started talking to some of the nurses. They assured us we were on the list but it wasn't our time yet. Ok ok, we sat back down to continue waiting. More waiting. More couples coming and going with sweet babies. Where was ours? We finally got fed up of waiting and left. In my dream I then recalled all the fertility struggles we went through in real life, leading up to the point where we prayed and decided to adopt. After that decision was made and we knew it was what we were supposed to do, I walked kind of stormily back into that hospital waiting room and right into the delivery room up to our Heavenly Father who was the one who had been delivering the babies.

Upset I asked him, "If you had wanted us to adopt all along, why didn't you just tell us in the first place?"
Lovingly he turned to me and asked, "Would you have listened?"

I get teary every time I recall this dream because I know the answer is No. I wouldn't have listened. I don't look back on these 5 years as wasted efforts to become parents. I look at them as the road necessary to get where we are right now.

I hope this helps put our adoption into perspective. Love you guys!


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