Common Terms Used and Terms That Shouldn't
Biological Parents: Parents of conception.
Natural Parents: Used often in legal settings. NOT a positive term since it implies that adoptive parents are "unnatural."
Birth father or birth mother: Used widely to describe parents of conception.
Genetic parent: Same as above.
Real father or real mother: Terms used in society to describe biological parents. Not appropriate since they imply that adoptive parents do not act as "real parents".
Inappropriate: 'put up for adoption,' 'adopted out,' 'abandoned,' and 'give up a child.'
Appropriate term: 'Arranging for an adoption,' ' making a placement plan for a child,' 'arranging for a transfer of parental rights,' and 'making an adoption plan.'
This is from a handout by Tom Craner, LCSW, ogden, UT Agency.
Do's and Don'ts
1. DO accept our decision to adopt without question.
2. DO accept our choice of a child regardless of his/her race, heritage, age, 'social background, etc.
3. Do remain positive and enthusiastic during waiting periods.
4. DO offer to give practical help if you don't mind giving us your time.
5. DO respect our choice not to disclose details about our personal life and our decisions.
1. DON'T tell us that if we adopt a child we will get pregnant and have a child of "our own." Adoption does not cure infertility, and our adopted child will be "our child!"
2. DON'T react as if adoption is a "second best" or "noble" choice.
3. DON'T question our capability or readiness to parent a child.
4. DON'T incessantly ask for news while we are waiting to adopt.
5. DON'T probe for details about the birth parents or the child. We'll tell you whatever we are comfortable sharing.