Sunday, May 20, 2012

a new (thankful) perspective

I've been trying to blog several thoughts lately and each time I write them out, they come out wrong. So hopefully this thought will come out right!

I've been learning a lot lately. Or rather, being taught a lot lately. There's been certain people placed in my path that has made me see some things in a new light.

Like the fact of how blessed I really am to be a Mother of one right now.

Let me explain.

Years ago when we were still trying to become a family of three, Gavin and I tried to make the best of life and spent tons of time together. We were pretty much attached at the hip for 5 years before Nathan made his miraculous entrance into our family. I didn't see the blessing of having those five years of course till after we became parents. It wasn't until I was a Mother that I started thanking God for those wonderful years all to ourselves. We have so many great memories during those years! I'm grateful that, despite that we were trying to grow our family, we took the opportunity to really live and grow together. Those 5 years are now treasured and held dear.

Ironically, as we're yet again hoping our family expands some more I find myself relearning this valuable lesson on perspective.

I recently chatted with a lady who shared with me something personal that will stick with me always. She was so  excited for her first child when he came. She had plans and dreams of things to do with him. Then baby #2 came unexpectedly soon after. Very soon. Her first two boys are less than a year apart. I tried to let that sink in as we were talking, trying to imagine what that would be like. Most of us who are infertile I think are quick to merely judge others who can bear children as being  so lucky. They have what we want, right? But that was a real challenge for her. She had zero time alone with her first son before she was pregnant and preparing for son #2. I let her story sink in and realized that being able to bear children doesn't mean there's not challenges associated with that too!

I met another lady who is pregnant with #11. Being that Gavin and I wanted a large family (though, not 11!) I was a little envious. Whereas one trial for her is feeling like she'll never be done with maternity clothes. Made me think.

Today a friend remarked that they could tell I was a Mother of one. I do activities with Nathan. We spend time together. I post adorable photos of our shenanigans on Facebook. Normally, I would have been a little offended or sensitive to that remark. But today I realized with gratitude that I have time for all those things! It reminded me of my time alone with Gavin. Before early bedtimes, naptimes, and needing to cart diapers and snacks with me everywhere came along. Today I feel so truly grateful that I have been given so much time alone with Nathan. What a blessing! What memories we are making together!

Though I hope there's a Holga or Jake around the corner, I can be happy now in what God has given me for the "right now"!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Pass the Pen

As I've mentioned before on the blog, we have some more research to do before we embark on adoption again. This research will, hopefully, answer any questions we have on whether we can get pregnant or not. Questions that have been left unanswered for nearly 2 years. 

It's exciting! Until...

Until you print off all the paperwork for your fertility consultation appointment.

Nothing like answering a myriad of questions about your menstrual cycle and sex life to bring back all feelings of discouragement.We've been through research before. This is the second, and hopefully, final round. It's a little disheartening. To say the least.

Infertility: where children are the result of prayer and paperwork, not sex. Sadly.

Maybe if we fill it out in the bedroom it will feel more romantic?

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Mother's Day and Birth Mother's Day

Did you know there's a Birth Mother's Day? It's the day before Mother's Day.

Last year was my first Mother's Day and I contemplated which day should we honor Nathan's birth mother and for me, the answer was both days! She's both. His first Mother and his birth Mother.

I'm so excited for the package we'll be sending her for these 2 special days!

This morning was the first attempt at taking some darling photos for her.

I say first attempt because I'm learning that a toddler doesn't always smile AT the camera when you want them to!

Here are just a couple I took today!

And shh! It's a secret!


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