Friday, January 27, 2012

Optimism is a Lifestyle

For the past few months Gavin and I have been discussing and wondering the question,

"now what?"

Going through the five years of fertility tests together and the adoption process all led to our beautiful son Nathan
But I never thought beyond our first child. I felt we'd have more than one kid, but I was so focused on becoming a parent of one that I hadn't given much thought to any child after that. 

So to answer our question, we have no idea. 

I could lie and say there's no heartache. But of course there is. I'd love to be able to plan (give or take a year) when our children will join our family. I'd love to say there's no panic. But of course there is. I'd love to say I knew this was coming. But I had no idea. 

I had no idea that the majority of the emotions we'd felt before Nathan would be back. Not as intense. But there nonetheless. I was not prepared to jump back into the fog of the unknown. 

Till recently all I thought of was how wonderful it was that we were finally parents! 

But as Nathan gets older its made me stop, look around the room, and wonder when the rest of our family is coming. 

And how they're coming.

We have no set plans. No path or direction laid out as of yet. 

Except to pray for guidance, pray for patience, and save our pennies. Again. 

I guess that's the beautiful part of infertility. To draw near to God in prayer, to humble yourself to patience, and as a couple make sacrifices to bring another special child into our family. 

There will be moments of sadness. Moments of fear. But these are just that. Moments in a journey of faith. 

And I feel so blessed to be on it.

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