There are so many unknowns when adopting. You don't know what your baby will look like, when they will come, what their story will be. You don't know what the birth parents will be feeling. Or the family of the birth parents. But for me right now, the scariest unknown is I don't know how Nathan will feel about being adopted.
We've met a few adoptees (right terminology?) since deciding to adopt. One of Gavin's grandmothers was adopted. Nathan's birth mom was also adopted. All of these individuals have different feelings about being adopted. Some struggled greatly with being adopted. Some were totally ambivalent. All of them were closed adoptions. I don't personally know anyone grown up who has an open adoption. So what does that mean for Nathan? Will he struggle? Will he not care? I know there's a fine line between him caring for his birth parents and not struggling with being adopted. I have no idea where that line is, but I'd love to hope he'd end up there. Ideally I'd love for him to have a healthy love and respect for his birth parents, while not struggling with the bitter side of adoption.
Right now he jabbers non-stop about everything he sees, but it's still baby jabber. That baby jabber should turn into real talking over the next few months. What questions will he ask? What connections will he make? When he finds out he didn't grow in my tummy but in my heart will he feel special or defective? I haven't worried about these questions until lately, as he moves closer and closer to toddlerhood and real talking. I just hope and pray that Gavin and I can teach him about the miracle of his birth, the beauty of his coming to us, and just how loved he is by all his parents effectively enough to grow up to be a stable young man, secure in knowing that God had a plan for him.