Wednesday, November 10, 2010

D is for Decisions

First let me sincerely apologize for being gone so long! We've taken turns having the flu over here (thankfully Nathan was excluded) and it's taken me a while to get back to my blogs. I've been so inspired reading others' adoption themed posts that it spurred me to come back and continue my A-D-O-P-T-I-O-N string.

So...

D is for Decisions
I think everybody can understand this one. Adoption is full of decisions from start to "finish". First was our decision to adopt. I remember it was April 2009 that at the end of Family Home Evening one night Gavin said in a serious tone that he wanted to talk to me about something. I remember being terrified because he's normally not that serious (we're very much kids at heart still in our house). We talked of adoption that night and I admit I cried. I felt like our failure to produce our own offspring was final. We prayed about it that night and there was no doubt in either of our minds, despite any misgivings of our own we may have had, that adoption was the road we were supposed to be on at that time.

Our next decision was what route to adopt were we going to take? Come to find out, there's several ways to adopt that are available. After a lot of research we chose to go through LDS Family Services. We started the paperwork and started to feel excited.

Our next decision was one of privacy. We decided we were not going to tell anyone we were adopting until we were picked or had achieved something a bit substantial in the process. After 5 years of comments, questions, and well meaning prodding we were done with broadcasting our road to parenthood.

Our next decision was what kind of child we wanted to adopt. Can you imagine the weight of that decision for a second? You're given a paper listing everything from gender to ethnicities, to diseases and handicaps. As if you're ordering a baby. That form was really hard for us to fill out. We decided to be extremely open to whatever came our way. We figured with any opportunity to adopt we would pray about it to see if it was right for us. We didn't have any scruples with ethnicity. Loves comes in all colors. But the handicaps and diseases were harder. We wanted to be the best parents we could be and had to analyze the care needed for each one. It was hard. There were a few we decided would not be a good fit for us, for the child's sake, because they would need care we couldn't give. It was so hard.

The next decision we had to make was how open did we want our adoption to be? We had the opportunity to attend a weekend seminar by LDS Family Services where we got to hear of different kinds of open adoptions. That was a huge blessing for us and completely wiped away any fears or misgivings we had about an open adoption. We know preferred an open adoption after that as it seemed the healthiest option for everyone involved.

The next decision we had to make was whether to tell our family or not. It was around Christmas time and we were pretty much approved to adopt. We decided that was a big enough step to tell everyone we were adopting. I admit, I underestimated our families and friends. I fully expected the worst. Instead I was shamefully surprised and touched by everyone's excitement. It was a relief! (Plus I'm none so good at keeping my own secrets lol)

The next decision really didn't come until we were notified of E, our birth mother (our fabulous radizzle birth mother thank you very much!) Thankfully, this one required little to no thought. As soon as I met her and talked with her I knew. By the way I felt I knew. It was an amazing experience that I'll treasure always, meeting our E.

This is our own story and every adoption story is different. But they're all filled with decisions the family has to make. It can be quite stressful, navigating through decisions, paperwork, background checks, laws, etc.

But it's absolutely worth it :)

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