Thursday, September 2, 2010

Ha, Paradise Redefined

We've all been scammed. You may have been told false descriptions of paradise. You may have been told paradise looked something like this:

Or this:

Or this:

Lies, all lies!

Let me enlighten you to the truth of paradise my friends.

Firstly, paradise isn't a physical place. It's not a secluded tropical island somewhere in the Caribbean. There's no empty hammock serenely swinging in the breeze. That, is retirement my friends.

Paradise is in fact right in your own homes. It's having a tiny baby completely dependent on you for everything. It's a baby who prefers to sleep in your arms rather than their own bed. It's a baby who screams like their heart is breaking when they're constipated.

In Paradise, you don't sleep. Only babies have that privilege, but then they're too young to know they're in paradise. The women in paradise are far from exotic. They may not have showered in days. Their wardrobe mainly consists of tee shirts and sleepwear, ready for a nap whenever the baby finally dozes off. Women in paradise don't shave. Since showering is scarce in paradise, because free time is rather elusive, shaving is a luxury and completely dependent on how long the baby naps.

Paradise is having a husband who fights you for the chance to wake up the precious baby to feed him. There's a stark decrease in intimacy in paradise. Instead Paradise offers lots of cuddling and passing kisses. (Wait, sounds like purgatory...)

In Paradise the women trade in their cute purses for a practical ready-at-any-moment diaper bag. Heels get pushed to the back of the closet as sturdier shoes become a staple for those walks balancing a car seat on your way to the car.

Brushing your teeth is optional in Paradise.

Paradise is having a little baby sigh against your chest and snuggle in close as he drifts off to sleep. Paradise is keeping the lighting low and shades shut so that he'll open his beautiful blue eyes at you. Paradise is watching him smile in his sleep.

This is Paradise:

And we're in it :)


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