Friday, July 30, 2010

Between a rock and a hard place

Everyone knows when you undergo the miracle of adoption that you're going to fall in love with the Baby. It's a given. But what about when you love the birth mother?

Right now I'm having a hard time with the realization that once the baby's born I won't get to see E anymore. There'll be no more Dr's appointments or visits planned etc because we all agreed that we wouldn't do visits once the Baby was born, for his sake.

But this has all taken me completely by surprise. I had hoped to like the birth mother and be friends but this is something else entirely and I'm afraid I'll cry tears when more distance is created between E and I. (Except for late night texting!) I know its for his sake; I don't think we want to cause him any confusion or conflicting emotions before he's old enough to understand our different roles in his life. But I can't help but selfishly wish that it didn't have to be that way. That she and I could hang out like normal Mommy friends with our babies. We're both so comfortable in our roles and callings in this little guy's life that there's no awkwardness. But I guess its not really fair to push that on him. Does anyone have any advice?

It would be a lot easier if I only liked E. But I freakin' love her. I've rarely felt so close to a person before. She's as close as a sister. The thought of never seeing E again makes me want to cry. So that leaves me either with us pushing Baby into possible confusion (not a good idea) or me hanging out with her alone. Hmm, this could be a good idea yes? I dunno.

Again, any thoughts O' Cyber World of Adopting Parents?


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